Time is kind of a crazy thing. My whole junior year, I wished it away. Parts of my senior year as well. Sophomore year I couldn't WAIT to be a senior. And senior year I wished more than anything that I could go back to being a sophomore. It seems I always want what I don't have eh. But I don't think that's necessarily it. I live my life in a way that i LOVE it. I'm a strong believer that we decide how happy we want to be. Now, that does not mean that I am oblivious to illnesses or things that happen to us that are out of our control. However, I believe that how we react to those things and what we decide to do with it is what determines the outcomes. ALWAYS. So, i don't believe that I was wishing time away. But I would dwell on the memories that I had made. Or I looked forward to the memories that I knew I would make. And yes, in the process of doing this, sometimes I would forget to love my life RIGHT NOW.
It has been almost a full month since I graduated high school. The past 6 months of my life have flown by. I've had downs, no doubt, but I can strongly say that I LOVE MY LIFE. I'm so lucky to live in a place surrounded by people with creative and fun minds. I was blessed with the greatest friends of all time. I wish I could hug and squeeze them all forever. Which is what brings me to my now. Change is hard for me. Like I said, I loved my life for the past little while. I loved it more than usual. And as that part of my life is all starting to fade...everything I know is changing. Everyone I know is leaving. My favorite people on this planet are leaving me and I'm leaving them!! And I can hardly stand it, let alone think about it. I find myself doing what I used to do. Thinking these same things: I WISH I could go back. I WISH I could get past this hard part. I WISH I could freeze time forever. And without even realizing it, I am getting so caught up in the future and in the past. Being sad about time that has passed is not helping me. Worrying about the unknown future is not doing me any good. I need to remember that life is so good and we are here to be happy!
With that being said, I loved high school. I was comfortable, and I was always content (for the most part). So, as hard as it is to accept that time is moving on and always will, I am excited for the future. So many good things have come out of the past year, I can only imagine what's in the years to come. I love videos for so many reasons. But one of my very favorites is the power it has to bring back vivid memories. I get to relive my very favorite moments over and over again! That is freaking cool!! Sometimes, most of the time, I watch them and get sad. (Back to my wishing for past time.) But I am slowly learning that so much more comes out of them than that! How lucky am I to have something to hold on to! I'm not strong enough to let time go completely, so I am lucky enough to have something that allows me to relive bits and pieces of it. And that is not something to be sad about, but to be celebrated!
So, as time goes on, and the older I get, I will look back at my high school story with happiness and gratitude! Here's to the next chapter, and, working on advice given from the great Alan Watts, TO LIVE FULLY NOW
-kass